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February 27, 2011 / Jessica Turner

What I learned this weekend…

The Dreamer and I spent the weekend away in Birmingham. My parents gifted us with a Marriage Conference and two nights in a hotel! My brother and sister-in-love joined us along with my newly engaged sister, her fiance and his parents.

My parents took Gabriel back to Hamilton to keep while we got away and well its amazing how you don’t know what to do with yourself when your purse is so light.

This morning we head back. The Dreamer slept over 9 hours last night. And for him, that was a much-needed miracle. He had some dreams too he said, go figure. Now he’s finishing up a test for his online schooling before we start heading out. It will be a dream come true when his schooling is over and although I imagine his schedule’s doors to fling wide open, I am sure he’s already dreaming about what is going to fill them!

We learned a lot this weekend and since I have posted so much about marriage lately. I thought I’d share some of my favorite notes from one of the speakers.

Saturday morning he taught on fear. It was very timely as we had just studied fear at our Ramp married ladies’ bible study. He described what he called the fear dance. It consists of these 4 points:

The “fear”dance:

1. I hurt…

2. I want…

3. I fear…

4. I react…

An example would be a selfish thought like it HURTS me when The Dreamer would rather go outside and start a project instead of spending time with me and Gabriel. I WANT him to change. I FEAR we are not in our right place with him; therefore, all of his priorities must be out-of-order and we will spend the rest of our lives being the last thing he wants to make time for in his day. I REACT and decide and I am going to take control of the situation and let him know his priorities are out-of-order and that he is ignoring us and ask him why he doesn’t like spending time with us!

Let’s say I make that mistake and do it….

Then he’s HURT because he just wanted to create a little garden in the backyard for us and I got all offended. He WANTS me to change. He starts to FEAR that I am becoming an over-sensitive, selfish, nagging woman and not proud of how hard he’s working to make something beautiful for us. So he REACTS and lets me know that I am over-reacting, insecure and irrational…then I am HURT again…and the “fear” dance continues. An argument develops as angels and heaven stand still while demonic forces have their way in our marriage by fear.

How do we prevent the fear dance?

1. Total exposure with the Lord and cleansing with the washing of the Word.

Get before the presence of God and ask Him to expose fears in your life. Then get in the Word and know what the Word of God says about fear and commit those scriptures to memory and every time you have a fear surface do as Jesus did in the wilderness. Beat the devil as a man with the word of God!

2. Take responsibility for your behavior.

If you start and argument from a place fear, repent. Change your way of thinking. Repent to your spouse and God ask for forgiveness and get in the Word and quote something! (Out Loud Together if You Have To! You’ll at least laugh together!)

3. Put faith in God and Trust Him with Everything!

This speaker described fear as a negative picture from hell trying to get you to do the wrong thing. So true. We need to have the Word of God in lives to such a level that when hell tries to show us a picture of our lives void from what the Word of God says about our life in Him an alarm sounds off and we shut the ugly down and back to hell with the Word of God!

4. Treat fear as an enemy and don’t let it control you.

In the fear dance you see how easily fear can make you say negative things. Remember,… “The power of life and death is in the tongue…” be committed to only speaking life over your spouse and marriage. If you don’t know what to say get out the Word and just start quoting it. Decide today you hate fear the way you hate hell and all its attachments.

The Dreamer finished his test….excuse me…I love you guys.


One Comment

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  1. Dorothea Browning / Feb 27 2011 5:11 pm

    I am in tears, precious words, teaching, such great food for marriage. I am soaking it in sweet daughter-in-law. I love you.

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